Be part of something bigger than yourself

Why do some kids from the same family end up on a completely different path in life? One is confident, well respected and celebrates success in their life. The other is angry, struggles to get anywhere and throws away opportunities without even trying. Same parents. Same home. Same upbringing. So how does this happen?

I recently attended an amazing thought provoking presentation from the Melbourne Uni Festival of Ideas that just resonated so well with me, and really inspired me. Some great discussion from a bunch of inspirational people from health & social experts to refugees who came to Australia with nothing and now work with Australian youth to help them be the best they can be!

But the answer to the burning question really came to down to one thing. A child's sense of self. Of knowing who they are, where they come from and where they are going. And using that to work out what they can do to contribute to society.

The kids who do well have people surrounding them and encouraging them to participate in something bigger than themselves. They are given responsibilities for jobs around the house or in the community. They have things to do after school, and they have something to give others.

And it all revolves around community. Remember the old saying "it takes a village to raise a child"? It really does. The kids who do well participate in community activities. Sports, scouts, volunteering, odd jobs for neighbours, doing "things" with grandpa on the farm. There is meaning in what they do. They learn about teams, relationships, make friends, broaden their views of the world.

By helping others, it helps kids to shape who they are and who they will become. Caring for others helps them to learn that there is always someone worse off than you are, and teaches them to be grateful for the opportunities they have in life.

And by giving to others, be it time, commitment, effort, whatever... it implicitly teaches the child that they have something of value to give, teaches them that they are worthy, and gives them a sense self worth and wellbeing.

Putting on a show at a community festival

The whole discussion really torched the fire in my belly, and reinforced what I've long known about myself but could never pin point until recently. When I am helping others, I am happy! I am always the first to put my hand up to help. I never think "no I can't do that", I work out a way to make it happen. I lost my way a little along the way and chased a career for the "money" but it was HARD WORK and it didn't make me happy. In fact it made me cry, it stressed me out and it made me miserable. Then my grandpa died, leaving a legacy of hard bloody work for his family. But a life of always looking for the money to survive and provide, not for the love or happiness of enjoying his work. But as kids he always had time for us to "do things with Grandpa". Hammering, gardening, getting out in his shed and making a mess, having a sense of purpose. We were helping! But at the time he died, I quit my job and had some time off to grieve and finally came to realise that I wanted to work for the community, not for the man, and not for the money. As much as I loved my grandpa and admired everything he did, and how hard he worked to give our family every opportunity, I wanted to be happy after a day's work, not tired and stressed out. He was a great man, don't get me wrong. But that was when I really honed in on what I'd always known deep down inside. I was born to help others be the best they can be. Not to help some greedy big shot make a profit. Education is my sweet spot, and seeing disadvantaged kids head down a path of self-destruction breaks my heart. It hits too close to home. Too close to the kids I went to school with. The kids I grew up with in my neighbourhood. Too many of whom died before they even got to know what they wanted out of life. 1 is too many. But I could fill both hands naming them. A little town like mine, it doesn't take much to know them. Every cell of my body tells me that if a child can get a good chance at education, be surrounded by great role models, have access to the right services for their needs and be part of something bigger than themselves, they can get through anything and have the greatest success of all. Real happiness. So I tutor. I mentor. I fundraise. I donate my time and money. I blog. I write books. I'm getting out there in the community, meeting people working out new ways that I can help those in need.

My Deda (grandpa)

So what can we do to encourage our children and families to create environments like this to help shape our kids into amazing generous givers, instead of self-pitying, disengaged takers?

Here are a few ideas, I'd love to hear yours too:

• Care for a pet
• Volunteer (a once off event or a regular thing, always be the first to put your hand up to help!)
• Tutor a friend or younger sibling (the best way to learn something is to teach it to someone else!)
• Mentor (lots of schools run mentor programs for new preppies, or year 7)
• Sports (try a few)
• Scouts / Cubs / Brownies / Guides (this is an amazing place to get involved in the community)
• Music / Dance / Art Groups (be creative, let it all out, make friends and work on a big show)
• Neighbourhood Jobs (mow the lawn, help old Mr Jones with his bins etc)
• Grow a vegetable garden & sell your produce to neighbours to save up for something special
• Run a fundraiser for your favourite cause
• And for you. Be a role model. You don't need to be amazing, just take stock of what you're doing to give back to society and give it a shot.

What sort of things do you think kids could participate in to contribute to society, neighbourhood and family? To be a part of something bigger than themselves? Leave a comment here or on the Facebook page :)